Workplace Pioneer

I just can't even will myself to care anymore. I'm too tired, far too tired to even acknowledge this place. I don't think I've been this done in a long time. Too may hours too little outside life, and I can't do it, honestly. It's stretching me thin and burning me out. I miss my bed, I miss my things, I miss my family. I think most of my family and how little Is see them as of late. I always said once I got a car I'd visit them as often as I could, but with hours like these, that's not very often and I hate that more than anything. I miss them.

When I was younger I went on a hike, but not just any hike. It was a 3 day hike simulating pioneers, we had to pull these carts loaded with food and gear up and down hills for hours and hours from sun up until sun down in the heat of summer. I specifically remember one night laying down on the ground to sleep, staring up at the sky and thinking to my self "I'm so tired right now, death sounds like a relief." Don't get me wrong, I am by no means suicidal, but at that point in time I felt like sleeping forever would be the only real restful sleep I could get.

I use that story as a sort of measuring point in my life, as in "Well I'm not as tired as I was then, so I can probably continue onwards." I never thought I would reach a point like that again in my life, not unless it was by my own will to do some crazy hike again. But this, this surpasses that, it's a walk without respite, a journey with no end. And that's how tired I feel. When I lay down at night I think to myself "I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to sleep."

I'm not fond of that feeling, not one bit. It would be on thing if I were at my dream job and I was tired because I enjoyed my work. But none of that is true, and the result is this. I'm tired, and I can't do this anymore.