My health

I worry about my health working here. The 50-60 hour weeks are augmented by the hour drive. The cumulative 60-70 leaves me with little time to focus on my well being. I'm expected to throw my entire being into the work.

That leaves me wonder what's to become of me. I'm terrified of getting the standard treatment of working males in this day and age. Plagued by heart disease and an early death.

That brings me to another point.  My mental health seems like it can barely hold together as of late. I'm not even sure what I enjoy or who I am.

I had time off last week and I found that I had forgotten my hobbies and passions. Or maybe not that I had forgotten but that I had lost my drive to complete them to even try. Filled with doubts such as what's the point, I won't be able to continue this anyway once my little vacation ends. The thought of a life like that drives me insane.  I know I used to enjoy things I used to have passion an drive to complete things but not I feel ashamed that I'm content to simply browse the web for a little before bed.

It's like I'm looking in the mirror and watching myself fade into a husk of myself.

I'm sorry, in being melodramatic.  But I guess that's the way I've been feeling lately. But this helped. And I feel a little bit better I think.