What are my passions? I mean I really love to write but is really something I could do for a living? And am I really good at it, enough to make money off of it? So many questions that I don't have answers, while I sit here and feel like I'm whittling my life away at this desk. It's a frustrating situation. Many people have given me advice on what to do. To just jump, and hope I reach the other side seems like the most prevalent. Some people say otherwise, that I'm smarter than that, or better. That I can in fact do this job and find success, but can I find happiness and joy? Can I get a sense of satisfaction here, or am I just doomed to work without emotion and be grey all the time?
Someone once told me that you are shaped by your five closest friends. But looking at them,I don't see anything that I want to be. Not that they're bad people, or below me or anything of that sort. It's just their life choices, and what they're doing are not what I want to be doing. I don't know what I want to do. I've defined my life but certain parameters for so long feel like I never really go to know myself as well as I'd want.
When I look in the mirror it's like looking at an unfinished painting. Parts shine and are colorful and they stand out, but there's so many pieces missing at this point that I feel like should have been filled already. I've filled out all these pieces of knowing what I like and what I don't like in terms of morality and personality. But there's this big chunk of passion, that I'm missing.
I'm not happy with what I'm doing, nor am I happy with where I'm going right now and I don't know how to change it. I'm afraid, and I wish I knew what to do, but instead here I am, pen in my hand lost in land that I can't comprehend.
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